The weird and wonderful world of niche dating

In my last post I commented on the growth of niche dating sites in comparison to their mainstream rivals. There is an obvious market for race, religion and orientation based niche sites but the reality is the market stretches much further revealing a host of more extravagant niches.

Here is my guide to some of the more specialist dating sites on the market.

Note: If you don’t want to visit the sites you can hover over the address to launch a wordpress popup preview of the homepage.

http://www.vampersonals.com/

“Meet the vampire, goth (or both!) of your dreams”

Lovebitten.net may be the marketing tool for a television show but genuine sites exist catering for those active at night. And, for anyone doubting the capacity for love amongst the undead check out the testimonials page.

Note: For fear of a visitation in the night Dr. Sticklewink would like to state how wonderful this website is!

http://www.findmydogadate.com/

“Replace their sad face with a happy one”

One would assume this is a clever ploy for matching dog lovers. But oh no. This is all about the dog. Owners are ignored as searching is encouraged by criteria such as breed, temperament and favourite activities.

http://www.stdfriends.com/

A site for people with STDs. Not a laughing matter, but if it’s to be taken as genuine, which it appears to be, the sheer volume of members suggest the fact this and other, similar sites are flourishing bear testament to the ever increasing spread of STDs around the world.

http://www.trekpassions.com/

“Love Long & Prosper”

Aimed at science fiction fans particularly those of the Star Trek/Star Wars persuasion. Daters are encouraged to be themselves, even if that means arriving for your date dressed as Chewbacca.

I suppose if your date isn’t going well you can always have Scotty beam you out of there.

http://www.scientificmatch.com

“Why pay matchmaker prices when you can have chemistry?”

For those who don’t trust the supposed “science” used by some of the mainstream sites Scientific Match takes things a rather large step further.

Users take a DNA sample, send it off for analysis and receive a match based on the genes that control how the immune system recognizes and fights off foreign invaders a match to potential partners can be deduced.

Does it work? Maybe, maybe not. The fact it’s very difficult to prove otherwise could make it a winning idea. If you have the $1,995.95 fee to spare that is!

http://www.ashleymadison.com/

“Life is short. Have an affair”

The comedy here is not so much the glamorising of infidelity, not even the presence of a 100% Ashley Madison Affair Guarantee on the homepage, it’s this little deluded gem found in the FAQ section.

Q. Does Ashley Madison encourage infidelity?

A. No, Ashley Madison does not encourage anyone to stray. In fact, if you are having difficulty with your relationship, you should seek counselling.

Yeah right!

http://diapermates.com/

Be careful whose looking over your shoulder when you check out this one!

I’m doubtful if even the most beautiful of the beautiful people could make a wearing a diaper (a nappy for those not in North America) look hot but surprise surprise there is a sizeable community attempting to do just that and find others who share their interest.

We can only hope their attire is through choice and not necessity!

http://www.crazyblinddate.com/

“Are you feeling adventurous?”

Or are you just feeling suicidal? If so this is the site for you. Pick your location and go on a short notice blind date. That’s right, you don’t even see who you’re meeting let alone find out anything about them.

They haven’t gone far enough in my opinion. You should be able to specify which dark secluded street you wish to meet on and what weapon your date should be concealing.

http://www.womenbehindbars.com/

Featuring ladies incarcerated in the US and looking for relationships.

Yes, that’s right men, for a fee you can get in touch with some of the finest jailbirds the country has to offer. Just think, you’ll always know where they are and they’ll never cheat on you (at least not with the opposite sex).

On the downside you could potentially be dating a murderer doing life and whose profile photo was taken twenty years ago before their sentencing.

Your Mother would be proud!

http://www.sugardaddie.com

“Where the classy, attractive and affluent meet”

Do they really? On a site called sugardaddie???

It would be easy to brand this site as pretentious and vain but just take a look at their media page. They’ve had some serious and high profile coverage in recent years with multiple claims of “high quality men” using the site and many success stories.

Evidence would suggest this is the place to head if you’re a fan of money and power and aren’t afraid to concede that’s all you’re after.

Niche sites taking over a mainstream market?

The continuing mushroom effect of the dating industry has meant more and more entrepreneurs and lonely webmasters are turning their hand to creating dating web sites.

With the mainstream market dominated by well established, high budget companies the answer for new sites has been to target a niche market.

Sites targeting specific audiences based on race, religion and sexual orientation are understandably popular and deserved of dedicated sites due to the size of their market.

But what of smaller niches? Vegetarians, geeks, environmentalists, farmers and legal workers are just some of the areas covered by new sites being touted within the past couple of weeks.

As an experiment I took the first subject that came into my head (bikers) and performed a google search. The results are typical of those for a range of popular and more obscure past times now catered for by the dating market.

Evidence from Hitwise suggests niche sites are slowly taking an advantage in the US market. This evidence supports earlier claims of a ‘supermarket’ effect at the mainstream sites as too much choice is having a negative effect on a user’s ability to find a potential date.

So, as niche sites continue to prosper how can we expect the market to change? It seems likely that the likes of Eharmony and Match will begin releasing spin off niche sites and in the years to come even the most fussy dater will be well catered for in their particular niche.

Virtual Dating Assistants – The world has gone mad

When the online dating industry first began gaining popularity it was pushed heavily as the answer for busy professionals whose careers have meant they don’t have enough time to get out and socialise.

As the industry spread to cover all manner of niches across occupation, religion and social status the selling point was still the time that would be saved from conducting a search for love online.

Things have now gone a step further.

So called ‘Virtual Dating Assistants’ are slowly appearing, promising to manage your online dating for you (for a small fee of course!!).

A Virtual Dating Assistant will work on your profile, conduct searches for matches based on your specified criteria and even arrange your dates for you. If you’re really short of time I’m sure you could just send them out on the dates aswell.

Seriously. What is the world coming too? In an industry that is supposed to revolve around honesty having someone else attempt to ‘represent your personality’ during communication is the height of dishonesty.

Despite this I find it hard to be enraged with those offering the service. In fact if there are people out there who make use of such services I’m tempted to set up such a business myself. Browsing dating sites and setting up dates for others looks a simple and profitable formula from were I’m sitting.

The downside surely has to come when a date is arranged? Aside from having had no interaction with your date you are reliant on your ‘assistant’ representing your personality accurately. If a topic comes up that’s been discussed in the online communication you’re  screwed. If your online persona has more charisma than you then you’re screwed.

Aside from this if you are so busy that not only can you not get out and socialise, you don’t even have the time to do some online dating I would suggest it’s your career that needs reviewing rather than your love life.

Can your chemistry be determined online?

I didn’t want to write another post poking fun at the big online dating companies so soon after the last one . However, Examiner.com published an interesting article on chemistry and emotions which once again gets me onto the subject.

This time under scrutiny are claims by leading online dating companies that they will hook you up with your soulmate by means of chemistry. Naming names, Eharmony claim they can predict such chemistry by means of asking questions. Anyone who has attempted, or even completed  their screens and screens of personality questions has surely had the time to question the validity of this claim and possibly still had time to work out the meaning of life.

To quote Examiner.com directly their scientific explanation is:

“Phenyl-ethylamine is one of the chemicals released that intensifies our feelings of attraction, what some of us call ‘feeling a spark’. Dopamine is released that brings on feelings of physical desire and closeness. In turn, Dopamine stimulates the production of oxytocin, sometimes known as “the cuddle chemical.” The higher the levels of these chemicals and others the more intense the feelings “

Right, all very interesting and mildly complicated.

So how does a dating site predict what levels of each chemical exist within my body? How do they know what it takes to release such chemicals? Most importantly how do they know what type of person will provoke the correct chemical reaction in me?

Well I’ll tell you how. They ask pages and pages of question such as, ‘Am I good at analysing problems?’, ‘Do I often leave a mess in my room?’ and ‘Do I waste my time?’

Give me a break. Surely people don’t buy into this?

To find out more I enlisted the help of my colleague Dr. Humpledonk, expert in chemistry and more specifically the creation of edible love potions available at many leading stockists.

He had this to say “Online dating sites provide useful tools for filtering thousands of potential partners down to a select few based on your personality and interests. That’s as far as it goes. How can you possibly know if chemistry exists until you have met and spent time with someone?”

I couldn’t have put it better myself! What do you think?

Online dating for the masses

Bring up a discussion around online dating dating services and who uses them and you’ll get a variety of ignorant answers from those know-it-alls who’ve never actually took the time to check it out.

‘OAPs’, ‘Single Mums’ and ‘Desperates’ are some of the answers you can expect to hear on broaching the subject. The reality is now very different.

These types of people may indeed make use of dating sites but they certainly don’t represent the amount of people needed to bring about the growth that’s hit the dating industry. So who exactly is hooking up online?

An increase in education opportunities has led to a new generation of professionals, many of which give such commitment to their careers it leaves little room for socialising and has pushed back the age they are prepared to settle down with a partner.

As a result the dating option that was once considered for ‘geeks’ and ‘losers’ has now become mainstream based on it’s ease and convenience. There has been a dramatic increased in degree educated, higher income users and what was once considered a young person’s industry is now mostly populated by users 35-55. Furthermore, it’s no longer a predominantly female pursuit with the distribution of users closer to 50/50.

So, online dating is now a popular and socially accepted activity. Great news for the online dating industry but what does this say about our society as a whole?

In a world where ‘SMS’, ‘Facebook’ and ‘Twitter’ are already destroying the the art of face to face communication it is vital to remember online dating is only a form of putting two people in touch. You get no spark of attraction from reading a profile or sending an email.

This can only be achieved through fun and laughter. So, in order to keep some interest in the question ‘how did you meet?’ for our future generations, remember to leave your keyboard once in a while!

Finding love includes no ‘Science bit’

I’d love to know how some of the biggest dating companies out there are operating so successfully when basing their whole advertising campaigns around tests and questionnaires that claim to find your perfect mate.

These have to be flawed in both science and the very nature of relationships.

Firstly the science bit. Any scientific test needs to be proved as reliable (submitted to the scientific community for rigorous scrutiny) and as a valid measure (in this case prove that relationships set up by tests are subsequently successful) before it is generally accepted.

According to Robert Epstein of Scientific American such tests are never scrutinised in such a way.

It’s suggested that one leading online dating company offers, in truth a 500/1 chance of marrying a compatible match. This company offers around 1.5 matches a month. This means if you dated every match you’d go on 346 first dates and take 19 years to reach a 50% chance of finding your fiancé.

Add this to the fact there is no guarantee that marriage would be a success.

Now lets look at it from a relationship point of view. These ‘tests’ generally focus on pairing people based on similar character traits or interests and eliminating others.

Think about your own relationships, those of your friends and those of your family. You’ll almost certainly see in some cases opposites really do attract and matching people based on interests and characteristics is no guarantee that they will get on.

Furthermore, the process of elimination makes it feasible the one person who would turn out to be perfect for you could be lost based on a decision made by a piece of computer software.

Thankfully it seems I’m not the only one with this viewpoint. psychologist Larry D. Rosen of California State University, Dominguez Hills states, “In our studies only 30 percent of the people say they use [online tests] at all, and most of those people find them ridiculous.”

All this begs the question why are these sites doing so well when their users have so little faith in their tests?

Dating etiquette gone too far

We all know how to act on a date right? Arriving on time, being friendly, making eye contact during conversation are all fundamental rules of social behaviour not just confined to dating.

Yet, the advice you’ll get in the online community goes a step further, suggesting you reinvent yourself and act in a way that maybe alien to you in order to impress your date.

Lets look at a few examples taken from around the net:

Never be flashy or extravagant. There’s no need to attempt to impress your partner with your wealth and importance.

So if you’re wealthy and/or important you should lie about it and then on the third date when you pull up in your Porsche expect it to go down well?

Avoid talking about politics and/or religion

Why? If you have different views so be it. If it’s something that bothers you or your date to the point it will end any relationship surely it’s best to get it out the way early on?

Dress well, smell good

Fair enough hygiene should be a no brainer but if you’re not a flashy dresser why go down that route for a first date. Are you prepared to keep it up permanently should things go well?

Never swear or use bad language

Again this is a commitment. If you’re not going down the blue air route from date one you’ll have to keep it up or you’ll be found out in the end.

And finally this little gem which made me laugh most of all….

Never tell lies. If you do, it will eventually catch up with you. There is nothing more embarrassing than being caught in a lie.

The hypocrisy of the online world!!

So let me get this straight. The same ‘experts’ who argue you must be completely truthful when writing a dating profile so not to begin a relationship based on lies, then suggest as soon as you get a date you should be someone else in order to secure a second date? Then go a step further by contradicting themselves and saying you shouldn’t lie afterall???

Sorry, all this is too confusing for me. That’s not to say there isn’t some good advice out there if you feel you need it. But think about it before you put it into action.

After all, I put it to you that your best dating experiences have been and will be when the pressures off, you’ve been yourself and you’ve clicked with someone who shares the same views and interests…..

The flaws of the online profile

So, recent research suggests 66% of online daters fail to go on a single physical date from their efforts online.

You might think this is hardly surprising considering some of the profiles out there.

Many users makes mistakes akin to going out to a bar wearing their pyjamas. For a start there are many instances of the classic opening line. “I’m not sure what to write here”

Well how about going away and thinking about it a bit more? You’re not going to appeal to the upper echelons of the opposite sex if you can’t even construct a few sentences detailing what you have to offer the world.

Then there is a total lack of originality as people churn out the same old clichés such as:

“Looking for someone with a good sense of humour”

“Fun loving girl/man always up for a laugh….”

“I love life….” etc. etc.

Those struggling to make an impact can search the web for help with profiles and there are thousands of people offering free and not so free advice on how to create the perfect impression. Some of which appear to be extremely busy.

Surely from all this evidence we can simply conclude the average online dater lacks the intelligence to write a few interesting lines about themselves.

Well, maybe not. Consider this. In the real world when you spot someone you’re attracted too you don’t have a little mini-me type person who runs over and gives you a full rundown of their interests, likes, dislikes, future family ambitions, favourite member of Take That etc. etc.

Likewise, you don’t have to instantly fire off a similar list back at them.

In the real world you take a risk on a date based on very little information available to you and go from there. That’s part of the fun. Sometimes it’s a disaster and sometimes it leads to something more.

So in fact the whole online dating experience is unnatural and goes against the social skills we’ve learnt throughout life. With this in mind the big question is should it be the dater who puts in all the effort to make online dating work or is it time the industry provided the consumer with a new dating experience that better mirrors real life?

Hello and Welcome

Hello and welcome to Dr. Sticklewink’s dating and relationships blog.

It may shock you to learn I am not a real doctor. In fact, as many an ex will argue, I may not even be a relationships expert.

I do however, find entertainment in the good, the bad and the downright confusing aspects that relationships, dating and the dating industry as a whole have to offer.

If you can see the humour in heartache and laugh at the hopelessness of searching through a sea of online profiles then we have something in common and this may just be the blog for you.

Read on and enjoy,

Dr. Sticklewink